(303) Woke up this morning with a dollar bill stuck to my ass. A tip, maybe?
541: I hear it’s not considered rape if you yell surprise first!
503: So i think i came up with a new sex term… last night, our first night in san juan del sur, nicaragua, i fucked a chick on the beach, pulled out, blew a load on her stomach, then reached down and grabbed a handfull of sand and threw it on her stomach!!! she got SANDBLASTED hahahaha, then I ran into the ocean laughing my ass off, she even thought it was kinda funny… stupid chicks
541: Sometimes to bang a cougar you have to play Wii with her kids.
541: CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely. I recorded it for us.
503: Am i dog?
1-503: stop fishing for complements
503: IM NOT! my neighbor is following me around with a pooper scooper…WTF
541: holy shit the bananas on the moon fucked me and dont forget to tell the dolphins in the north pole to tell santa i said fuck you!
503: just saw a snuggie commercial… realized i’ve been wearing mine backwards all day… embarrassing
971: I fucked my dog last night
503: stop texting me you creep
